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The John Report: Talking Smack for 09/24/10 (Bearer's Back)

Taped from Bloomington, Illinois let’s talk some Smackdown…

I’m going to be brief this week for some of it. Sorry about that. I don’t have a whole lot of time this weekend, but I will do my best to try to touch on everything. Also, I should be able to write about Smackdown every week again from this point on. It will probably be Saturday, but it might be Sundays and it will likely be shorter than what I write about for Raw.

Kane d. Chris Masters (*1/4)
I’m not a huge fan of Chris Masters, especially as a babyface. I don’t think he’s got much charisma, nor is he athletic. A guy his size should be a heel. Still, Kane gave him a lot of offense here and it went longer than I thought at about 7 minutes. At one point he had him in the Masterlock, the announcers freaked out about how it has rarely been broken (did anybody sell it better than HBK?) and then Kane fought off to break it. He eventually won with the chokeslam and Tombstone. Good win by the champ although I’m surprised they gave Masters so much offense.

Post match, Kane cut a promo about how he had a challenge for Undertaker later. He even went into the crowd to scare the shit out of this kid that was sitting there. I don’t think the kid was a plant. You never know. I have to say I enjoy Kane more now than at any point in his career. The guy is in a zone.

Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre d. The Hart Dynasty (*3/4)
Rematch from last week. Cody & Drew won that. Then they won the tag titles at the PPV. Now they won again clean. And where were the shots of Natalya on this show? Come on director! Show the woman! Yes, she is my favorite in WWE. Unlike most THD matches, DH Smith got beat up for much of it and Tyson got the hot tag. It ended at about 8 minutes thanks to a nice bit of cheating by Drew for the finish as he exposed the turnbuckle, Tyson went face first into it and Drew capitalized with the Future Shock DDT for the relatively clean win. I guess The Hart Dynasty is out of the title picture. For shame. So now who will the Dashing Chosen Ones feud with?

Backstage, Undertaker was sitting in a stairwell as a purple light shone on him. He looked frustrated. Maybe he’s getting tired of Michelle’s voice? It could break glass. Poor guy.

Backstage, Alberto Del Rio was in the parking lot standing over Christian. They didn’t show a beatdown, but they had Christian selling pain in his left arm. Del Rio told him he would choose the time & place for them to fight. And this was it.

The Dudebusters and Hornswoggle were putting stuff in boxes for the move to Syfy. There were a few other comedy segments with them. They weren’t as bad as the usual Hornswoggle stuff. They even had a Bragging Rights trophy! Wow. Shocked that WWE even remembered that.

Backstage, Gallows argued with Punk. They’d have a match later and after Gallows won he said he’d celebrate with a beer. Just don’t ring a bell. I added the bell joke. This was fine.

Chavo Guerrero d. Kaval (**)
A very solid five minute TV match. When was the last time Chavo got a clean win on Raw or Smackdown? I have no idea. I’m not sure about booking Kaval to lose clean like this right out of the gate after winning NXT 2, but I guess they’re going with the idea that booking him as a loser is the better strategy. I don’t agree. I’m also not a fan of calling a guy a “rookie” like they always do when the fans know he’s been wrestling for a decade. Anyway, nice to see a win by Chavo although in the grand scheme of things it probably means nothing.

I think Ricardo Rodriguez, the ring announcer for Alberto Del Rio, is great. I want him to work at my wedding. If I get married. He’s fantastic. Sorry Howard Finkle.

Alberto Del Rio came out at the top of hour two. He said Rey Mysterio’s coming back next week and he challenged him to a match. He’s not sure if he will accept it. I guess that’s ADR’s thing to say that. Christian came out selling the arm injury. He went after Alberto, but he countered him with a kick, then put the Cross Armbreaker that needs a name (doesn’t have one yet does it?) and threw him into the ring post while he had a chair wrapped around the arm. Major injury angle here. This is the second guy that ADR has hurt bad, so it makes him look like a huge star.

In case you didn’t know Christian suffered a torn pectoral muscle and is out for about six months, or maybe a bit less than that. This is their way of writing him out. It’s a terrible time for the injury because Smackdown really needs him. He’s one of my favorites in WWE and he’s barely had injuries throughout his career. This is a bad break.

Big Show d. Vance Archer & Curt Hawkins (SQUASH)
Show won with this submission on Archer in about a minute. If you’re wondering why Show went over Punk and they did this squash it’s probably because of his upcoming movie called Knucklehead. They want to have him look strong going into that, I guess.

Backstage, Josh talked to Swagger who mentioned SD next week will be in Oklahoma, his home state. He had his trophies behind him and as he spoke the Dudebuster with Hornswoggle put his stuff in boxes. Then they went to commercial before Jack could realize it. That was a weird edit. I am very disappointed in how poorly Swagger’s been used since they took the belt off him. Undeserved, I’d say.

CM Punk d. Luke Gallows (*)
Hey, Punk finally wins a match! Too bad it’s against a guy that is not cut out for a babyface run. Why would they end the SES? It worked well with Gallows being Punk’s bodyguard. It’s not going to work with Gallows as a face. I don’t understand it unless it leads to Gallows returning to Punk after he’s been humbled. I dunno. Give Punk a meaningful feud please. He’s as good as anybody in the company and deserves the chance to be pushed up the card.

Hey, there’s Undertaker sitting in the stairwell again. He told us not to get married to a 30 year old when you’re 45. I think. I dunno. Maybe he said nothing. I hit FF on the DVR.

The Grish thanked the MyNetworkTV President for having WWE on the air. Wait, MyNetworkTV is actually run by a person and they get paid? Shocking! Does anybody watch that channel? In Canada we have The Score, so this doesn’t affect me at all.

MVP d. Dolph Ziggler via countout (**)
Vickie introduced Dolph. Kaitlyn from NXT 3 was with her. Damn, that girl has a fine ass and legs. I mean Kaitlyn. Just in case you are wondering. Early on Dolph got knocked to the floor, Kaitlyn went to help him and Vickie got pissed at her. She shoved Vickie, and then left the area. They are already rushing the love triangle storyline I guess. The match picked up after the break by focusing on the guys. It was a decent match although nothing too exciting. It was a slow TV style match. MVP went for the Ballin’ elbow, so Dolph rolled out to the floor and walked up the ramp for the countout loss. We’ve seen these countout losses way too many times this year. It’s obvious that Vince & lead Smackdown writer Michael Hayes like that finish, but they do it far too often. I guess this means a rematch in the future.

More packing for Syfy. Vickie was looking for Kaitlyn. They told her she was in the truck. Like an idiot, she believed it and the truck drove away with her inside. Oh the comedy.

Another Undertaker segment in the stairwell aired. This time a door opened, he looked up and said he wanted to be alone. Then he had an expression on his face that told us he knew the person looking at him. It looked like love. Then he started dancing to Laycool’s theme song. Okay I made that part up, but that would have been the funniest thing ever!

Kane-Undertaker confrontation
The main event angle for the last ten minutes featured the brothers fighting over the love the devil. How cute, eh? Kane cut his usual promo about how he has the powers, how the creatures of the night follow him and he’s the devil’s favorite now. Cue the gong. The druids came out. They must be on standby because I could have sworn Undertaker didn’t look too happy for the previous 105 minutes. I wonder what he pays. They had a red casket. Red for Kane. The big red monster was freaking out. He opened it up and it was his dad Paul Bearer, who was also Undertaker’s manager. I wonder if people in their teens and younger even know who Paul Bearer is? Maybe not. He had the urn in his hand. He looked fat even though he has lost a lot of weight. Fatsuit perhaps? The lights went out. Undertaker showed up. He beat Kane with punches and then he hit a clothesline as Paul Bearer was like “OOOOOOOHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSS!” It was an old school moment indeed. He went for a chokeslam, but Kane bailed. Kane looked petrified, realizing that due to the presence of Paul and the urn that Undertaker had his power back. It was a simple story that old school fans know, but do the younger ones know? They will need to update them a bit, I think. To end the show Undertaker posed on one knee while Bearer held up the urn. True love. I marked out. Absolutely.

What’s next for this feud? After Undertaker wins the belt at Hell in a Cell they can do Kane & Fake Taker vs. Undertaker & Fake Kane at Bragging Rights. Win! I’m kidding. Relax Taker & Kane fans. I like the feud. It’s been pretty cool and now it’s come full circle with Paul Bearer returning like he did. Good ending to the show. It was the greatest return of a guy that was buried in cement in the history of sports entertainment! Okay that’s sarcasm, but I swear I’ve liked the feud. It’s true.

I expect a very good show next week. It will be live too, which will be a nice change of pace.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Christian – Just because he’s my boy and I’ll miss seeing him. Dude is talented.
2. Kane – I’m really liking his work. Best of his career, I think.
3. Undertaker – Sure. Why not?

5 out of 10

It was an average Smackdown. There weren’t any standout matches like we are used to. In terms of angles they obviously did a great job in adding to the Kane/Undertaker story while Del Rio’s push up the ladder continues. I wouldn’t be shocked to see him feuding with Undertaker if Undertaker wins the belt and moves on from the Kane feud. That’s how much I think WWE likes him right now.

I’m fully aware that the last time we saw Bearer he was nearly killed in cement. To me, one of the worst angles ever. I’m fine with forgetting that one. It was stupid. Let’s pretend it never existed. Done.

You know what I liked this week? No Laycool. That was refreshing.

I do have one final question this week: When are they giving Cody Rhodes’ music to Paul Bearer? OOOOOHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSS!

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John Canton – john@thejohnreport.net
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