MEPS GET COLD SHOULDER, ERR, SHOWER: The Great Annual Legionella Saga continues at the European Parliament in Brussels. After switching off the hot showers in some parts of the Parliament, new precautionary measures are now in place. (Apparently, prevention wasn’t one of the measures considered.) They include “the immediate closure of the distribution of warm water in Brussels to all members’ offices,” according to an official email from the Parliament’s department for infrastructure and logistics.

“Furthermore, these measures will be extended to members’ offices in Strasbourg,” the email said. Given that there’s no evidence of legionella in any members’ offices in Strasbourg, that either means the disease can teleport or someone is very worried about what an MEP dying will do to their chances of promotion.

THE HOF GETS SIDELINED: There are few MEPs better at promoting themselves than Euro-fanatic Guy Verhofstadt, who heads the fourth-largest group in the European Parliament. He was anointed the institution’s chief Brexit coordinator in 2016 by Martin Schulz, with consent (of sorts) from the other political groups. Now it seems the Hof is having his wings clipped by colleagues envious of the attention he’s getting for his creative Brexit solutions. (Associate EU citizenship, anyone?)

At last week’s meeting of party group presidents, the Hof was given a new set of wing men and women. In addition to his existing chaperones at Brexit negotiations — Elmar Brok (EPP) and Roberto Gualtieri (Socialists) — he will now have Danuta Hübner, chairwoman of the Constitutional Affairs Committee; leftist Gabriele Zimmer and the Greens’ Philippe Lamberts looking over his shoulder.

OETTINGER’S ALPINE LOBBY-FEST: Later this month, former digital commissioner and current human resources and budget chief Günther Oettinger will host the latest edition of his annual “Mini-Davos” in Austria. Dozens of tech lobbyists will gather in the glamorous Alpine resort of Lech am Arlberg to discuss the role of Europe’s “data economy” in fighting populists. Showing the commissioner’s inability to let go of his former tech responsibilities, which he supposedly relinquished on taking charge of the budget portfolio, the lobbyists in attendance will hear from the great and the good about how EU funds could be better spent as well as how self-driving cars and smart electricity grids could transform European citizens’ lives. Surprisingly for such a well-connected audience, there will be no livestream of the discussions.

AND THE ATTENDEE ARE … The Lech trek is a key item on every tech lobbyist’s bucket list. Attendees at the 2017 session include Gijs Phoelich from ECTA, Qualcomm’s Enrico Salvatori and the incoming director general of DigitalEurope, Cecilia Bonefeld-Dahl. Others expected to enjoy quality time with the German commissioner include his top budget official Nadia Calviño and Valerie Khan from the United Nations’ World Food Program.

Also worth noting is the attendance of Klaus Mangold from Alstom and Rothschild. After Oettinger failed to declare a 2016 flight to Hungary on Mangold’s private jet for a meeting with Prime Minister Viktor Orbán, we hope Oettinger won’t be hitching a ride to Lech. Then again, with Oettinger it is safer not to make assumptions.

NOT BRITAIN, NOT GREAT, AND THAT’S AN ORDER: Slovak media could be fined for referring to the United Kingdom as “Britain,” Reuters reported Monday. A Slovak state body — the Geodesy, Cartography and Cadastre Authority — which is charged with enforcing the proper use of official country names, has warned that it is prepared to hand out fines of up to €6,600 if media organizations don’t follow the rules. Interestingly, according to the same state body, it is possible for the Slovak Republic to be referred to as “Slovakia.”

FEUD OF THE WEEK

United Airlines and its passengers. If a passenger has just been dragged, bloodied and battered, off one of your planes by security guards for refusing to give up the seat he paid for, it’s probably not a great idea to call him “disruptive and belligerent.” But that was the response from the chief executive of United Airlines, Oscar Munoz, below, who told staff he supported the security personnel involved. In one clip of the incident posted to Facebook, security guards can be seen grabbing, then dragging the passenger down the aisle of the plane, which was set to fly from Chicago to Louisville. The airline said in a statement the flight was overbooked and no passengers agreed to voluntarily give up their seats for United staff. So that’s all right, then.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Why don’t you leave both the EPP and the EU on your own terms? … You’re practically and factually out anyway. So go. Please go.” — EPP MEP Frank Engel on Hungarian ruling party Fidesz’s membership of the EPP group.

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SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Markus Beyrer, director general of BusinessEurope, and Rod Blagojevich, disgraced former governor of Illinois.

GAFFES AND LAUGHS

Like father, like daughter: Two weeks before the first round of the presidential election and Marine Le Pen decided to stick both feet in her mouth when she denied the French state bore any responsibility for the rounding up of around 13,000 Jews at the “Vel d’Hiv” stadium in 1942. This is a very controversial issue in French politics and Marine’s father Jean-Marie Le Pen repeatedly denied any French involvement in the deportation. In 1995, former French President Jacques Chirac did admit that French authorities collaborated with Nazi Germany, saying “France, the country of human rights, the Enlightenment, the hosting and asylum country, France that day did accomplish the irreparable.” SNCF, the state-owned train company, set up a $60 million compensation fund for relatives of the 74,000 people the company transported to their deaths during World War II.

Syngenta offends God: “The Earth is not an inheritance we have received from our parents, but a loan given to us for our children,” Pope Francis said in what looked like a pre-recorded video played at the recent Forum for the Future of Agriculture (FFA) in Brussels. The event, sponsored by pesticides giant Syngenta and the European Landowners’ Organization (and of which POLITICO was a media partner), played host to around 1,700 lobbyists and policymakers. Outside the building, angry green activists lay on the ground pretending to be dead bees. Contacted by POLITICO, the pope’s spokesman Greg Burke said the Vatican hadn’t given permission for the video to be broadcast, although the pope had sent a letter to the FFA’s president, former Environment Commissioner Janez Potočnik, which was read aloud by the Vatican’s representative at the forum.

Sweating for Europe: From April 24 to 26 the Parliament’s visitors’ center is holding an event called “Sweating for Europe,” a series of chats on burning EU topics featuring MEPs and citizens. The unique selling point of the event is … lawmakers and citizens will hold the discussions “in the after-heat of the sauna session” and “open-to-all” sauna sessions are planned for Place du Luxembourg and the Bozar. The project is part of celebrations to mark Finland’s 100th anniversary.

WHO’S UP

Jean-Luc Mélenchon: The firebrand leftist is on the up in the polls and even has his own video game, in which he takes money away from capitalists.

Mariano Rajoy: Spain’s prime minister is back after years of political paralysis, this week launching an ambitious budget that’s set to make it through congress.

WHO’S DOWN

Aleksandar Vučić: The Serbian prime minister may have won last week’s presidential election but he’s now facing protests.

Boris Johnson: After cancelling his trip to Moscow, the U.K.’s foreign secretary was described as a “poodle” by the Daily Mail.